Hello, Reader!

Last week I shared how important it is to engage with our grandchildren with “kindness, patience and a sense of fun.” (If you missed that email, you can read it here.)

Here’s the research conclusion again, with a bit more of what the study found:

Overall, the children appreciated time and engagement from their grandparents more than material gifts or expensive treats. The children held normative expectations of what constituted ‘good grandparenting’ with kindness, patience and a sense of fun emerging as being highly meaningful for the children. Those children who reported that their grandparents were disinterested, critical, or overly strict, expressed feelings of disappointment and loss that they did not have a grandparent who conformed to their expectations. Importantly, from the perspective of the child, the uncritical advocate was the type of grandparent that the children would actively seek out for advice and emotional support.

University of Hertfordshire, Do Grandparents Matter?, 2009

Grandparents, I can’t overstate the importance of the last sentence of that paragraph. You can set yourself up as the person your grandchildren will go to for advice and emotional support as they grow by being an uncritical advocate.

What exactly does it mean to be an “uncritical advocate?” To me, it means making sure they know that you don’t just love them, you love being with them. That you are interested in what they say and do, and you pay attention to their world. That they can’t disappoint you.

But it’s not just how you treat them that matters. Whether they see you as a safe person also depends on how they see you treat the people around them. By showing them from an early age that you won’t criticize or overreact, they learn that they can trust you with their true selves. And you show them that through how you react to their parents. (Did you see my recent video on this?)

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you can’t be that person if you live far away. Showing up regularly in their mailbox, remembering details about their friends and interests when you video chat, making visits about connecting—all of these will help you become the person they want in their corner.

When they are a teen or young adult facing a tough decision or hard moment, knowing they have you in their corner can make all the difference in their life. This week, show them what that looks like: ask about a friend by name, celebrate something small, or let a minor mess go without comment. These moments are deposits in their trust account for the years ahead.

Warm regards,
DeeDee

P.S. Writing down what they mean to you is another powerful way to show that you are there for them. Our Grandparent Love Letters templates make it easy to send a monthly reminder that they are the apple of your eye!

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DeeDee Moore | Founder, More Than Grand LLC | morethangrand.com