Hello, Reader!

If you’ve been getting the Holiday Harmony Challenge emails, you read about the grandmother who spent way too much money on an elaborate gingerbread house kit, only to have her grandchildren lose interest after just a few minutes.

I loved the lesson behind this story, because it’s something we too often forget when we are thinking of ways to delight our grandchildren.

One grandmother responded to tell me that she’d spent a week thinking about a pumpkin-decorating activity with her granddaughter, but ended up not getting to the store to pick up the supplies she’d planned. When her granddaughter arrived for their time together, all she had was glue, construction paper, and markers. The 3-year-old was thrilled to get to cut and paste and scribble!

We are all sometimes guilty of over-planning and overthinking. Children don't need expensive toys or fancy craft supplies. They just need our attention.

Here’s what the research says:

Overall, the children appreciated time and engagement from their grandparents more than material gifts or expensive treats. The children held normative expectations of what constituted ‘good grandparenting’ with kindness, patience and a sense of fun emerging as being highly meaningful for the children.

University of Hertfordshire, “Do Grandparents Matter?” 2009

What children want from grandparents is simple: kindness, patience, and a sense of fun. To a child, your willingness to put aside your phone, make eye contact and listen to them, and embrace their silly games is everything.

On my last visit to my grandchildren, I had the opportunity to put this into practice. My granddaughters decided my feet were their puppies to train, and spent almost an hour making leashes out of pipe cleaners, giving me commands to follow, and dragging me around the house (sometimes trying to make my feet go in opposite directions). It was the oddest game I’ve ever taken part in, and not one I would have chosen!

BUT! The pure joy that they were experiencing was beyond anything that I could have orchestrated with an activity that I came up with. By engaging with them on their terms, we created a memory that is likely to last a lifetime. I know I’ll never forget it. And if they forget the details of that day, I know they won’t forget this: I was there for them.

Next week, I’m going to share why this is so important in the long run. In the meantime, dial back your activity planning, turn off the TV and put down your phone, and see what magic unfolds.
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Warm regards,
DeeDee

P.S. On another visit, my grandson turned me into one of those prize-grabbing claw machines, filling my lap with stuffed animals and directing my movements with a remote constructed from Legos. What's the silliest game your grandchildren have invented? Hit reply and tell me—I love hearing these stories!

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DeeDee Moore | Founder, More Than Grand LLC | morethangrand.com