We cover topics that matter to grandparents - and parents - such as concrete ways to help new parents, understanding new trends in child care, and meaningful ways to connect the generations. The resources and products we offer foster open communication, encourage healthy boundaries, and equip new grandparents with the tools they need to become a supportive partner to their grandchild's parents. Sign up for our newsletter to find out why grandparenting isn't about spoiling the grandkids anymore. Parents welcome!
“You don’t want a fat baby”
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Hello, Reader! My Instagram DMs are full of pleas from parents who need help handling a specific situation with their child’s grandparents. The other day, I got this one: “Any tips for a nana who when I discuss feeding with her says “you don’t want a fat baby” over and over. Baby is 7 weeks old. I can’t be the only one with a mom who is hyper focused on weight and attaches value to it right? I don’t want her commenting on my daughter’s weight the way she does mine (still does, likes to pat my belly and tell me to watch it. I’m 133lbs 7 weeks pp…)
Tips on how to approach it with her where she won’t get all indignant and offended and pout and act like a martyr? :)”
Messages like these make me so sad. Sad for Nana, who is a product of the time when diet culture was strong and fat was something to be avoided at all costs. Not all of us bought into it, but those who did don’t even realize how ingrained it is. Sad for the mom who wrote me, who doesn’t know how to bring up a subject that’s important to her without offending Nana. And sad for the 7-week-old baby, who is already being judged by her grandmother. Our unexamined beliefs often surface in how we grandparent, and they can be hurtful—or even harmful. In this case, we know that positive or negative, a child’s body image starts to form at a very early age—as young as three years old, according to some researchers. Messages they get from family members have a huge impact: repeated comments about their size, weight, or appearance can cause them to base their self-worth on their bodies instead of their abilities. And it’s not just negative comments: consistently hearing that they are handsome or have pretty hair can lead a child to think that’s the most important thing about them. You can read more about a grandparent’s impact on body image in this blog post. So how do we break those harmful cycles, especially if we don’t realize we are caught up in one? It can be hard to self-reflect. We are wired to justify our behavior—and that’s if we are aware of what we are doing! Often, the remarks we make or the things we do are unconscious. We don’t even realize the harm we are doing. That’s where talking to our families is helpful. Think how much it would help the mom who wrote me if Nana came to her one day and said, “Is there anything I’m doing that is making it harder for you to raise your daughter?” That would open the door for a conversation mom is desperate to have. Conversations like these strengthen the relationships that are most important to you. Being open to criticism may not be easy, but it is sometimes the only way to grow as a person. I challenge you to ask that question this week! Let me know how it goes! Warm regards, Thanks for reading! If you found this valuable, please forward it to a friend! DeeDee Moore | Founder, More Than Grand LLC | morethangrand.com |
Calling all new grandparents! (and parents, too!)
We cover topics that matter to grandparents - and parents - such as concrete ways to help new parents, understanding new trends in child care, and meaningful ways to connect the generations. The resources and products we offer foster open communication, encourage healthy boundaries, and equip new grandparents with the tools they need to become a supportive partner to their grandchild's parents. Sign up for our newsletter to find out why grandparenting isn't about spoiling the grandkids anymore. Parents welcome!
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