“Boys don’t like nectarines.”

That’s what my granddaughter told me one day when she was three. She went on to explain more about the difference between girls and boys (dresses played a major part) but this was clear: boys don’t like nectarines.

The source of her confidence about the subject? In her experience, this was completely true. She and her sister loved nectarines and her brother didn’t. Therefore, based on the evidence at hand, boys don’t like nectarines.

The obvious problem with this is that her perspective is very, very limited. Of course boys can like nectarines! You can’t make a sweeping statement like that based on such limited experience. But she’s only three. She’ll get a little older and a little wiser and realize that there are, indeed, boys out there who like nectarines. She’ll get new evidence and have an “Aha!” moment, and change her mind about something she is currently sure is true.

Changing our mind is harder as we get older, when it should be easier. Despite years of learning new things, we are more and more likely to believe our current perspective is the right one. The “Aha!” moments are further and further apart. Instead, new evidence often makes us uncomfortable: if we were wrong about X, what else are we wrong about? To avoid this discomfort, we don’t seek out opportunities to challenge our beliefs.

This makes us believe things like:

“There weren’t all these food allergies when our kids were young; parents today are exaggerating.”
“My kids survived just fine sleeping on their stomachs, so why put the baby on her back when she clearly hates it?”
“Swaddling is torture! No one should be confined like that.”

At the very least, this reluctance to change our mind can create friction in our relationships. In the case of new safety information or health issues, it can endanger our grandchildren. And grandparents who repeatedly refuse to consider new perspectives often end up estranged from their children and grandchildren.

Since you are getting this email, you’ve already shown that you have an interest in keeping up with new information. But have you taken the steps to fully embrace learning? Have you read any of the books we recommend on grandparenting? Have you invested in any of our resources?

It’s not enough to say you want to learn—you have to take the steps to do it.

Otherwise, you may end up going through life convinced that boys don’t like nectarines.

Warm regards,
DeeDee

P.S. Thanks to all of you who have embraced learning by subscribing to the Real-Life Grandparenting app! It's so exciting to see how many of you have committed to being the best grandparent possible!

DeeDee Moore | Founder, More Than Grand LLC | morethangrand.com

Don't like how your name shows up in the salutation? Need to change your email address? Update your profile​