Note from DeeDee: Today's message is from play expert Jill Lerman. Enjoy!​
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Dear More Than Grand grandparents,
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Maybe you're the grandparent who happily gets down on the floor and builds a block tower for the 47th time.

Or maybe you're the grandparent who would rather read a book, bake something, go for a walk, or watch your grandchildren play than pretend to be a puppy.

Here's the good news: You don't have to love every kind of play to be a playful, connected grandparent.

I'm Jill Lerman, a play expert, early childhood educator, and mom of 2, and I help adults rethink what our role in a child’s play is.

Because play doesn't have to mean entertaining your grandchildren from the moment they arrive until the moment they leave.

Sometimes it's joining their game.

Sometimes it's reading together.

Sometimes it’s going for a walk.

Sometimes it's baking.

And sometimes it's simply sitting nearby and watching while they play.

Here are a few of my favorite tips:

1. Wait before you jump in.

When we see a child playing, it's natural to want to get involved right away.

“What are you making?”

“Let's build a house!”

“Look, you can put this piece here!”

But try something different first: Wait and watch.

Give a child a little time to explore before deciding what they need from you.

What are they already interested in?

What are they trying to figure out?

What do they keep doing?

You may discover that they're perfectly happy playing on their own with you nearby. And that's okay! Being engaged doesn't always mean being involved.

You can sit nearby while they build, watch them line up their animals, or simply say, “Tell me about what you're doing.”

Your attention is often even more valuable than your participation.

2. Let the child lead.

When they do invite you in, let their interest become the starting point.

If they're building, build alongside them.

If they're carrying things, offer a basket or a bag.

If they're making a pretend restaurant, ask if they want a customer.

Our job is not to direct a child’s play. It’s to support and facilitate.

And there's a reason I encourage adults to approach play this way.

When we give children room to come up with their own ideas, make choices, experiment, and figure things out, we're giving them opportunities to practice skills they'll use far beyond play.

Imagine a child building a tower and it falls. Our instinct might be to immediately help them rebuild it or show them how to make it sturdier.

But what if we pause?

Maybe they try again.

Maybe they make the base wider.

Maybe they decide to build something completely different.

That little moment of “Hmm…that didn't work. What could I try next?” is incredibly valuable.

Play gives children a safe place to try, fail, problem-solve, and try again.

They're practicing persistence and frustration tolerance. They're learning that mistakes aren't disasters. They're discovering that they are capable of figuring things out.

And that's one of the beautiful things about open-ended play: the child is doing that thinking.

3. Think differently about toys.

You don't need a huge playroom in your home in order for your home to be inviting and playful. When choosing toys and materials, I love asking:

Does this toy do the playing for the child, or does it invite the child to play?

Open-ended materials—think blocks, cardboard boxes, animal figurines, playdough, art materials, balls, baskets and containers—don't have one right way to use them. The less a toy dictates, the more room there is for the child's imagination. You don't have to eliminate every toy that lights up or makes noise. Just make sure your grandchildren also have plenty of opportunities to create the play themselves, as opposed to the toys doing the work for them.

4. And remember: play is just one of many ways we can connect with a child.

You can cook together.

Take a nature walk.

Garden.

Read.

Build a fort.

Tell stories about when their parent was little.

Dance in the kitchen.

Or sit beside them while they play and let them show you what they're doing.

Play is one way of being together. You don't have to be endlessly entertaining too be incredibly connected. Your version of play is allowed to be your own.

The goal isn't to become an endlessly entertaining playmate. It's to be curious, available, and connected.

So the next time your grandchild is playing, try this: Wait. Watch. Wonder. And when they invite you in, follow.

A little about Jill

Jill Lerman is a play expert, play and parenting coach, early childhood educator, and mom who helps adults better understand children's play and behavior so they can respond with more connection, confidence, joy, and intention. She works with families through her Playful Parenting Membership, where she shares simple play prompts that give adults an easy starting point without complicated crafts, expensive materials, or a lot of preparation. She is the host of The Art of Playful Parenting podcast, where she explores practical, research-informed ways to bring more connection and play into family life. Learn more about Jill and her work here.​

DeeDee Moore | Founder, More Than Grand LLC | morethangrand.com

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