Dear Reader,

Last week I traveled to Chicago for a one-day summit on estrangement. While the city showed off with perfect weather and I met some incredible people, I can’t claim to have enjoyed the summit itself. It’s a heartbreaking topic, and the vast majority of attendees were parents who were estranged from their adult children. The room was filled with people desperate to find some new path towards reconciliation.

My reason for going was simple: to be in the room with the leading researchers and experts on the growing trend of estrangement. I wanted to hear firsthand how to better equip grandparents with the skills they need to avoid becoming estranged from their children and grandchildren.

There were so many valuable takeaways, but speaker after speaker mentioned this:

Expectations are often at the core of family estrangement.

Of course, we all have expectations and there is nothing wrong with that! It’s when those expectations are rigid, unrealistic, or unexpressed that they become problematic.

This is why so much of what I share with grandparents focuses on clarifying your expectations. Sometimes we hold expectations that we don’t even recognize until after they’ve caused friction, like the grandma who recently told me she was devastated when her daughter found someone else to watch the baby when she went back to work. She didn’t realize how much she had been looking forward to doing what her mother had done for her until she found out she wouldn’t be doing it.

Of course, recognizing your expectations is only the first part: sharing them with parents is just as crucial. Communication is the basis of any good relationship, and the ones with our adult children rely on it more than most—especially in today’s world. One researcher, Dr. Kristina Scharp, talked about how fragile family bonds have become. The best way to strengthen them is by improving communication.

We all need help with improving our communication. I’m not exempt from that either, as any of my children will tell you! But it’s something I keep working on, because I know what a difference it makes. One of the best books I’ve read on the subject is Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection by Charles Duhigg. (affiliate link)

I’d love to know if you’d like more of my takeaways from the conference, or if you’d like a lighter topic next week! Hit reply and let me know!

Warm regards,
DeeDee

P. S. Hopefully, estrangement is not a subject you need support around, but if you do, I’ve updated the resources on my website to include some of the speakers that I found most compelling at the summit.

Does your grandchild have a birthday in August? ​Find the perfect gift for grandkids of all ages.​

DeeDee Moore | Founder, More Than Grand LLC | morethangrand.com

Don't like how your name shows up in the salutation? Need to change your email address? Update your profile​