Hello, Reader!

I got a message from a grandmother-to-be (GTB) the other day asking for advice. Her daughter didn’t want a baby shower, and she didn’t like the idea of a “sip and sprinkle” after the baby was born. GTB also told me that her daughter had a very long baby registry, and she asked me what she should do.

I wasn’t positive if she was more concerned about not being able to celebrate the baby, or about making sure the registry got filled. But here’s what I told her:

“Respect her wishes! A baby shower, whether before or after the birth, shouldn’t be an obligation parents have to endure. Pushing back will only make her think you are likely to override her wishes on other things.

As for the baby registry, you can direct people to it if anyone asks but it’s not your responsibility to make sure it gets fulfilled. You can tell her how much you’d like to spend yourself and ask what she needs most. Parents don’t use half the things they put on those lists!”

When we are a first-time grandparent—or, like GTB, about to become one—it’s so easy to make mistakes when we let ourselves be guided by excitement (wanting to have a baby shower) or worry (being concerned her daughter won’t get what she needs). Sometimes it takes someone else providing perspective to make us pause long enough to let our own common sense kick in.

We can also be misled by our own experience. If you loved having your mother come take care of you after having a baby, it’s natural to want to be able to do that for your own daughter. When she doesn’t want that, it can feel like rejection. In reality, she’s just a different person with different needs and expectations than you.

I think this is one of the most valuable aspects of New Grandparent Essentials: that it gives you perspective to help tap into your own common sense. It’s hard to push past excitement, worry, and personal history while growing into a new role!

If you’ve made mistakes as a new grandparent, what do you think was the root cause? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Warm regards,
DeeDee

P.S. Next week, I’ll be publishing my 300^th blog post: Creative Ways to Fund a Savings Account for Your Grandchild. Did you know you can get new posts delivered to your email? If you’d like to start getting them the day they go live instead of waiting until Saturday for a link in This Week in the Wonderful World of Grandparenting, click here and you’ll be added to the distribution list!​

DeeDee Moore | Founder, More Than Grand LLC | morethangrand.com

Don't like how your name shows up in the salutation? Need to change your email address? Update your profile​